Selfishness. Are you “selfish” in the family?
Or preserving your sanity.
This is no 9 in our series on SELF.
We have already tried to define selfishness.
Today, we’ll look at what some people say is selfishness in the family.
This might apply to young women in school or fearful of going on past high school because they think they might be needed at home.
A lot of youg women pride themselves on being a “great friend.”
They say they always have time for their friends. They woud drop everything to help a friend in need.
Maybe they are being too “Nice.”
Maybe they need some more self-esteem.
It could be they think less of themselves than they do of their friends.
Faye Weldon, a British author wrote:
Faye Weldon
Young women, especially have something invested in being nice people,and it’s only when you have children that you realize you’re not a nice person at all, but generally a selfish bully.”
Ooops!
I’m sure many women might agree with that (many men too!) but more would not!
(Somewhat off the point, but for your amusement, I have to report that Ms. Weldon, when a copywriter, once wrote, “Vodka gets you drunker quicker.”
She said in a Guardian interview, “It just seemed … to be obvious that people who wanted to get drunk fast, needed to know this.” Which I thought was pretty funny.
Her bosses didn’t use the comment.
Her husband, Ron Weldon, left her for his astrological therapist who had told him that the couple’s astrological signs were incompatible. Apparently, they were both a little off the wall.)
In any case, she is supported in this, by many.
The French actress, Emmanuelle Beart, echoing a lot of women, said:
I just decided that I would not put my professional life on hold to raise children. I know that sounds selfish to a lot of people and I don’t know if what I’m doing is the right thing. But that’s the way I’m doing it.”
Don’t let him drop out.
Indicating a real problem many people have in the tug-of-war between themselves and their children.
This is true of artists–who predictably–are more forthcoming about solutions for the problem.
Mikhail Baryshnikov, the ballet dancer, said:
People of art should never get married and have children, because it’s a selfish experience.”
But Greg LeMond, a race track driver, also said,
Racing is a very selfish, self-centred, self-glorifying thing. My wife’s life for 14 years was centered around me. It was all about me. It was all for my ego.”
Parents often have this problem.
I think, on some level, all parents do.
How they deal with it varies, of course, but all must wrestle with the implications, for their lives, and for their children’s lives.
On the biggest level, it has enormous impact on families:
whether they break up, stay together “for the sake of the children,” or work it out in compromise and love and stay together knowing that some of what they wanted in life will never be achieved.
Other things,however, might satisfactorily replace them.
Think of all the well-educated immigrants who move to countries so their children can have a better life.
They work menial jobs to give their kids a chance.
In some cases, what people thought they wanted, isn’t what they wanted at all.
But it keeps people up in the middle of the night.
It also affects young people
who think they have to go in to the family business or please their parents by taking a college course the parents have picked out for them.
Or even marrying somebody their parents have selectd for them.
That’s happening a lot in our multicultural society these days.
Not fun and not good but prevalent in some cultures.
Nobody said it was easy.
Next time we’ll look at selfishness as it applies to love.
I’m with you in this.
HERE’S A LIST AND LINKS TO THE PREVIOUS SIX POSTS IN THE SERIES.
- DON’T BE YOURSELF TONIGHT, WHATEVER YOU DO!
- DO IT YOURSELF: KNOW YOURSELF. ARE YOU? DO YOU KNOW YOURSELF?
- SEARCHING FOR YOURSELF? FLYING BLIND? NEED A NEW SEARCH PARTY? TRY YOU!
- THE SELF: DO YOU FIND YOURSELF OR CREATE IT? AND WHY BOTHER ANYWAY?
- SARAH SLEAN: THE GIRL WHO KNOW SHE IS AND WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO
- SELF-DISCOVERY WITHOUT SELF VIAGRA. ABSENT GOOD PARENTS YOU’LL NEED IT
- SELFISH VS. SELFLESS
- SELFISHNESS. ALWAYS WRONG? OR CAN’T BE A FORM OF SELF PRESERVATION
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Frank
